


For Your Attention

by yuktenisreal



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, Johnny being an asshole, LuTen, M/M, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Short Chapters, Slow Build, Slow Burn, a bit boring honestly, johnten, lucas being a flirt, sorry if the story isn't cohesive, tenny, yukten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-23 16:09:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14336172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuktenisreal/pseuds/yuktenisreal
Summary: Lucas lusts for Ten's attention but Ten's focus is fixed on Johnny. It's a sad little game of push and pull.Basically, it's about them being desperate for each other's attention.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> cant believe im actually going ahead with my stupid idea but i think i really needed to get it out of my system. its my first fic so it will probably flop but its alright. thank you for taking the time to read, i really appreciate it. <3
> 
>  
> 
> you can follow me on twitter @yuktenisreal

 

Lucas let out a yell. He was yelling in pain. His back had started hurting again, it was only last week that he had gone for physiotherapy, yet the relief was temporary. It seemed he would have to struggle with this ache for a long time, possibly forever. He was leaning back on the couch now, while everyone was practising, he had to take frequent breaks just to cope with this pain. BOSS was blaring in the background, the noise of footsteps falling against the wooden floor filled the large practice room. Lucas tried to keep his shame at bay, seeing everyone practice hard with their full strengths and the figures multiplied by the walls of mirror did nothing but magnify the fact that he alone, was sitting back. Dwelling on the throbbing pain made him think of Ten who had, at one point, limped his way through dance practices before and after he underwent surgery. The sudden surge of motivation and courage made him push himself to join the rest of members in the practice. Ten-hyung would have continued, he kept telling himself all day.

 

And it did not do him much good, because he had pushed himself so far that his muscles had totally given up, and he had been told to stay back in the dorm for the day to rest. He had almost protested with his famous-fighting-tagline but the concern on his manager’s face felt too real, so he complied, gladly. Who wouldn’t want to have a full day of rest to themselves? He lounged around in the dorm living area for an hour, lazed another few minutes in his own bed, and Jungwoo’s bed and ultimately got so bored that he decided to text his roomates. Even Kun was away on a schedule, so staying in dorm felt like a curse at this point. That was until he heard a knock on the door. Lucas had expected Kun to be back, as Jungwoo was definitely not come going to return before midnight as usual because of practice, but when he opened the door, he found Ten standing nonchalantly in the hallway, too engrossed in his phone. Those two seconds before Ten finally noticed the open door and looked up, gave Lucas enough time to feel a surge of excitement but nearly not enough time to compose himself. Lucas smiled so wide without even knowing that he was doing so.

 

“What’s up big boy?” Ten was smiling now.

 

“Aye. What’s up man!” Lucas repeated what Ten had asked, out of habit. He shoved his hands in his pockets and moved aside to let Ten inside.

 

Ten made his way inside and automatically moved towards the couch, removing his earpods. Lucas trailed behind him feeling giddy about having someone around and even more so that it was Ten who had come. It was not often that they got time to have fun, and unconsciously Lucas had decided that is why Ten had come, to have fun. Ten was sprawled across the couch, yet his small frame managed to occupy only half of it, Lucas observed as he leaned against the wall beside the TV, to face Ten directly. He was still smiling as he waited for Ten to say something, secretly brainstorming things he himself should say. One thing. The one thing that kept invading his mind that he wanted was to have fun, to have fun with Ten-hyung.

 

Conversation ensued. At first it steered around his upcoming duet with Taeyong, then anecdotes about the time they spent in Ukraine, and other topics. Lucas’s stomach hurt because of how much he had laughed in the last few minutes. Ten had been imitating other NCT members, mostly Johnny and Lucas had tried to imitate Jungwoo but his own hyper personality just could not create a version that was soft-spoken. His low voice sounded sexy instead of soft and it had made Ten smile and look away for a moment. Lucas had noticed it too but it had passed too fast and the very next moment they were talking about food, which Lucas could not help but interrupt to ask “Hyung you came here to entertain me?” while pointing at Ten. Ten nodded, saying “Yeah. I came to see how you were doing. Kun told me you were alone for the day and in pain too. So I came to see. Am I disturbing you?”

 

Lucas shook his head so hard, he almost got a whiplash. “No, no,” he kept repeating. “I was so bored.” He moved to occupy the other half of the sofa beside Ten. It always amused him to see how big he was compared to Ten. It made him feel confident around Ten, but unknowingly his puppy eyes ruined his tough-guy persona. It was charming and Ten found it undeniably cute. Since Lucas had the habit of sitting with his thighs apart, the small couch could not accommodate both of their sprawls too comfortably, so they sat with ten’s knee digging into Lucas’s thigh. None of them moved.

 

“I honestly expected to find you eating everything in your refrigerator when I came. And you should eat a lot to recover faster,” he said with a little laugh but suddenly asked “oh, oh, have you eaten yet? I was planning to go a cafe later. You can join if you’re not too unwell.”

 

Lucas was shaking Ten by the shoulders at this point, because of excitement, exclaiming loudly “Yayyyyy, yay, yeah!!! Let’s go!” Ten could not help but laugh at how adorable this was and internally thanked himself to come check up on this boy who does not deserve to be left alone.


	2. TWO

Everyone was taking a 10 minutes break from Black on Black dance practice in the practice room. Johnny was perched on the couch with his knees apart, drenched in sweat and gulping half the water in the bottle in one go. Ten was chattering away while he stood near the couch. Johnny reached out, grabbed Ten by the waist and pulled him down on his own lap. Ten gave a startled scream and laughed so hard that everyone turned to look at them. He was still laughing when Johnny twisted both of Ten’s arms behind his back and held them there. Ten was struggling and laughing uncontrollably, saying “leave, ah johnny-hyung, it hurts.” Johnny was laughing too, though not as loudly as Ten while telling Ten to say “please.” Ten kept struggling instead of giving in to Johnny’s demand. This was it. Johnny let his hands go, but hooked one arm around Ten’s waist to hold him in place and tickled him with the other. Ten was laughing and screaming at the same time. Everybody in the room was laughing along. Taeyong has moved a step or two ahead to stop Johnny, hearing Ten’s pleadings. Haechan and Mark were breathless with laughter. Lucas tried to laugh too but he found it too much of an effort, Ten looked so cute struggling and laughing like that, but a pang of jealousy clouded over everything else. Johnny had precisely what Lucas did not; Ten’s attention. Yuta who was standing next to Lucas, looked at him to share the laughter but found something else on Lucas’s face and gave him a knowing smile. He understood.

 

Ten finally managed to wrench himself free from Johnny’s unyielding grip and ran away from him like a little kid. Johnny was chasing him around and Ten clocked around the members in circles to stay clear, but Johnny finally caught him when Jaehyun instead of shielding Ten, moved aside laughing. Johnny tackled Ten and put him in a headlock. Ten finally pleaded saying “please, please,” and the room was full of laughter. Lucas suddenly felt out of place but he moved closer to Ten all the same, to be a part of his happiness, especially when Ten looked so bright and full of warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this may be a bit annoying but the chapters will be really short? cause i can only write this much at once as i have the attention span of a hungry dog and i keep going back to twitter but i promise ill try my best to make the story interesting, i plan to update daily, so i hope ppl will follow this story along
> 
> also im so excited for BOB mv and more ten content, you can follow me on twitter @yuktenisreal and dm me to be a mutual so we can collectively gush over how amazing our bb ten is <3


	3. THREE

Ten, Jaehyun and Johnny were waiting in the otherwise empty practice hall. The day for everyone else was over, but Johnny and Jaehyun had to leave for their radio night, and Ten was staying back there to practice Baby Don’t Stop dance routine. Taeyong was gonna come a bit later as he had other things on his schedule.Ten understood, poor boy had so much on his plate, so he usually brushed his own dance parts before moving ahead with Taeyong when he finally comes.

 

A few seconds later, Jaehyun got up to visit the manager who had their script for tonight’s radio. Johnny was busy on his phone, Ten was stretching to warm up, in front of the mirrors. Johnny looked up from his screen and stared at Ten. Loudly he walked across the room to sit at the couch behind Ten. Ten saw it all, in the reflection he saw Johnny patting the empty space next to him, inviting him to occupy it. Ten smiled and walked over to the couch, but with a smirk landed right into his lap, and leaned with his back to Johnny’s broad front and heaved a sigh. “I haven’t even started practicing yet and I’m already tired. This sofa is unusually comfortable today,” he said laughing, letting his body weight fall completely on Johnny. Johnny liked it when Ten acted cute, it was his favourite Ten to deal with.

 

“Hmmm, this sofa will suddenly develop arm rests too if the person sitting here acted cute,” he said in robotic voice with a poker face as if he were actually the sofa.

 

Ten laughed prettily and in a cute childish voice exclaimed, “Oppaaa!!”

 

Johnny burst out laughing, he was so embarrassed himself just listening to it, he couldn’t imagine how embarrassed Ten must be. Sure enough, even Ten had covered his face and was blushing with embarrassment.

“So, where are my armrests now?” Ten questioned, teasingly while maintaining the childish persona.

 

“You weren’t cute enough,” Johnny insisted “it’s not your thing, you should stick to acting sexy.”

 

Ten pretended to be scandalized and made a shocked expression. “Acting, you say? Do you mean I am not sexy but only act that way? Tsk tsk.”

 

Johnny heartbeat went crazy when Ten put his arms up to stretch them and arched his back a little. Johnny knew it was intentional, Ten was proving himself sexy now. Ten turned his face around to meet Johnny’s serious eyes.

 

“What are you doing, Ten?” Johnny teased.

 

Ten leaned back again into Johnny and rested his head on Johnny’s shoulder, beside his face, threw his head back and whispered into Johnny’s ears, “I did not know you found me so boring.” The voice sent a shiver down Johnny’s body but he kept his face composed and bored. He looked uninterested, even though he was enjoying this very much.

 

“Oh, so you won’t pay attention now,” Ten said and elbowed Johnny’s abs lightly.

 

Johnny caught his arm and flicked his ear to scold him. Now, skinship was very common between them, butt slaps, back hugs, playful crotch hitting was what they did for shits and giggles., but now when Johnny jokingly grabbed Ten’s crotch, the reaction he elicited was not what he had expected. If only Ten had laughed, the joke could have continued but Ten had moaned and not only had it surprised both of them but had steered the direction of their little play entirely. Ten was quiet after that one moan, and Johnny’s hand was still unsurely rested on Ten’s crotch. None of them knew what to do. Johnny was hoping Ten would laugh now so they could get out of this situation before he could get anymore turned on. Ten sighed and scratched the back of his head in shame. He couldn’t laugh this one away like they have always done in the past. That moan was too real, too honest and the moment was intimate because they were literally alone in that awfully large room. He was about to get up from Johnny’s lap when Johnny’s hand snaked up from his crotch to his wait touching his skin where the shirt had ridden up with Johnny’s gesture. Ten had always longed for this touch, had constantly played for Johnny’s attention, approval and friendship, but now he felt nervous. He felt like a boy. In the mirror’s reflection, Johnny could see Ten’s hair falling over his eyes, he was looking downwards in shyness. Johnny tried to test the waters and drew little circles with his thumbs on Ten’s waist and Ten almost shivered with excitement at the soft and ticklish touch. The situation was too tender, too fragile. Ten wanted something more aggressive, Johnny too wanted to something more solid. But first he wanted Ten’s attention, he wanted Ten to meet his eyes, he wanted to be sure of what is happening, so he tilts Ten’s face sideways by the chin and looks him boldly in the eye. Ten being aware that this is a question of consent, slowly closes his eyes and leans towards Johnny and Johnny without wasting a second, takes his lips, gently as first and then ardently with desperation. It’s not enough, it’s not nearly enough, both of them think.

 

But they stop, when Johnny snaps out of it and pulls away so abruptly that Ten flinches in shock. Johnny coils away in what to Ten seems like disgust or regret and Ten didn’t know which one was worse. When Johnny pushed Ten off himself aggressively, Ten quietly moves out of his way in shame to give Johnny the space to walk out of the room without looking back. In the coming days, Johnny would avoid Ten like the plague and when they passed each other in the halls, he won’t look away, rather stare Ten down daring him to ever even think about opening his mouth again. Anger is what Johnny felt towards Ten, pure anger as if it was only Ten who had crossed the boundary.


	4. FOUR

Lucas had heard some things. Even when he had recently joined SM and met all the other members, he could tell that they were close. Soon after, he had started to find out the little dynamics within NCT, little crushes, jealousies, friendships and more. Ten and Johnny were clearly close, they messed around all the time, laughing at this or that, touching each other playfully and it was not something he had seen Johnny do with someone else. Ten too, was a little standoffish except when he was around Johnny. Taeyong adored Ten clearly, but Ten only had affections for Johnny, the nature of these affections could only be answered by rumours but nothing concrete. He is at peace now with everything he hears. Over time he had realized that nobody had much of an attention span here, one day you’d be someone, on other days you’d like someone else better, although he couldn’t say the same for himself, Ten certainly had been changing the centre of his attention every year.

 

You had to be totally dumb to not be able to gauge that Ten clearly had a type. He liked masculine guys, Lucas hated to generalize the situation like that and of course he hated assuming that Ten liked guys but the rumours had made home in his head. For one thing he was thankful and it was that he was very manly and would fit the type Ten liked, somewhat. As if all his pining for this hyung’s attention weren't enough, finding out that Ten had hots for guys just made his longing worse. Damn if it wasn't hard, no matter what he did Ten wasn't acknowledging him enough. At first, Lucas did not understand why but judging from how frequently Ten looked at Johnny's face made him realise that he had a strong contender in this game to win Ten's undivided attention. Afterall he had fought the painful inner battle of coming to terms with the fact that he may not entirely be as straight as he had thought himself to be, he could take on this other relentless battle as well and the results had already started to look promising.

 

Distance became Lucas's friend. Since Johnny and Ten were in different units they rarely spent time together, and acted formally when they met. In the last year they haven't had much time to themselves whereas he had spent days upon days with Ten, which was probably the only benefit to not being a part of any fixed subunit yet. Lucas adored Ten's company and Ten seemed to enjoy it too. They laughed so much whenever they were in the room like the staple clowns of the group, Kun had a hard time controlling them and their weird antics.

 

Lately Ten had been coming to their dorm more and more often saying that he liked the food Kun cooks but even when Kun’s not around during lunchtime, he pays a visit even if he has to eat the shitty ramen that Lucas makes for lunch. Sometimes Lucas whines and whines till Ten is convinced to cook Thai for him but that's rare. Mostly they just chat about this or that, Ten shows Lucas the music he is interested in, and although Lucas does not care all that much for western music, he still leans in close to look at Ten's screen and feigns interest to keep Ten around. Webtoons. That's one thing they agree on and Lucas actually watches everything Ten recommends. Apart from all this friendly banter, Lucas's eyes keep lingering on Ten's lips for a little too long and Ten's ears turn pink quite frequently but only one of them seemed to want to acknowledge this.

 

Ten was often lost deep in thought and guilt had invaded his life. If he could go back to that night with Johnny, he would either finish what he started or he would have kept his dear distance, because this current Johnny scared the shit out of him and Ten's heart went crazy with anxiety every time he knew he would have to meet that enraged pair of eyes. So he depended on Lucas's company to make sure he'll never run into Johnny alone in the halls. As ashamed as he was to admit it, the boy made him feel safe and almost normal again.


	5. FIVE

Self-control wasn’t Lucas’s best attribute. He sucked at not being able to stare, his eyes seemed to wander on their own and somehow always managed to find their way to Ten’s pretty face. It was so annoying to be told that he stares at Ten too much after every live show by Kun. He can only groan each time Kun explains with a hint of worry on his face that “You look at him so intently and so frequently Lucas, I’m sure the fans must have noticed.” Lucas says he’ll take care next time but it remains the same.

 

Ten isn’t blind. He reads the comments and the amount of Luten (as the fans has named the pair) mentioned makes him nervous. Lucas was obviously not subtle but he wondered whether the fans noticed how gentle he himself was with Lucas. No, they couldn’t possibly have sensed how his heart fluttered whenever Lucas looked in his direction. The attention was dizzying and Lucas was so generous with it. Unconsciously Ten was acting more prettily or cutely whenever Lucas was paying attention to him, so it was becoming harder and harder to keep this up. It should be fine if he acknowledged it, right? Or so Ten thought. 

 

“Lucas, can I ask you something?” Ten asked quietly, one day as they sat next to each other in the backseat while travelling with the rest of the members. 

 

Lucas turned to at look at him questioningly and nodded.

 

“Why do y…….uh…..I was reading the comments under our vlive with Yuta and WinWin the other day and I noticed that you ke…….that the fans said you stare at me a lot,” Ten said not looking Lucas in the eyes and laughed at the end to make it a little less awkward.

 

Lucas was thinking and then he lifted his arms as if it was going to require a lot of waving and pointing to explain his answer. He smiled nervously and pointing to his face said “because your face is nice, I like looking at it. I didn’t mean to….” he trailed off.

 

“Sorry,” Lucas said laughing.

 

“Oh, don’t be. I don’t mind,” Ten smiled up at the big boy. Seeing how nervous Lucas was, made him guilty for bringing this up in the first place. Lucas didn’t shy away from answering though and that made Ten’s heart feel strange. He was so bold and Ten did not like to be the one to back down.

 

“You’re not looking at me now. Am I not pretty now?” Ten pouted.

 

Lucas laughed and gave his thigh a pat. “You are. You are the prettiest hyung.”

 

The smiles on their faces were so content and engulfing that they forgot the presence everyone else in the car.

 

Lucas’s fingers found Ten’s hand and they intertwined. It was so secretive that both their hearts pumped a bit too fast for them to realize that they had already reached their destination.

 

Johnny was quick to notice both of their hands linked like that when he was getting out of the car. It made him frown a little. What was this now? Since when had the two of them gotten so close that Ten would comfortably indulge in skinship with him.  He liked Lucas enough since he was such an innocent and jolly kid but the look on Lucas’s face now clearly wasn’t innocent. 

 

Ten’s eyes met Johnny’s and the linked hands came undone and Ten rushed to climb out of the car. Lucas did not need to wonder about the sudden leave when he saw Johnny and Ten walking towards him. He was scared of Johnny in a way but the elder had always been kind to him so he knew that as long as he did not cross the line, Johnny will not ostracize him. Of course it was a bit annoying to see Ten act so different around Johnny, always making witty comments to catch his attention, always laughing in his direction. Johnny did not even pay him that much attention unless it was convenient for himself, yet Ten was putting himself out there for that guy but recently Ten had started to seem uncomfortable around Johnny. Although Lucas was curious to know why, he stayed mum and took comfort in the fact that Ten and Johnny hardly interacted these days, so his own heart did not contract with jealousy anymore. Lucas was quick on his feet to get up and take Ten’s side as they walked into the office. Johnny was too occupied talking to Jaehyun while Ten quietly trailed behind them with Lucas with averted eyes, and as they climbed up the stairs, Lucas gently grasped Ten’s hand with his and when he met Ten’s eyes, he saw fright.


	6. SIX

Johnny’s grip on Ten’s wrist was painfully tight and Ten could only wince under Johnny’s angry stare. “What is this now? Found another victim? He's one of our members, Ten! You're going to ruin him too. Seriously, stop it. Stop this," he was almost screaming at Ten.  
  
Ten was more ashamed than offended and he didn't dare to look up into his eyes. Only he knew this side of Johnny, this anger even though he barely spared any time for him anymore. Sometimes Ten wondered why he had wasted so much trying to please a guy who treats him like this. Ten admitted it was his own fault for starting the mess in the practice room that day, but this was too harsh. Why was Johnny so unforgiving? They could make it okay, if they tried to. They could even forget that incident but Johnny seemed to holding this up tightly. Why was he so obsessed with what had happened? Why is he still so angry, even though Ten is keeping his distance? The most foolish part of Ten wanted to believe that Johnny was reacting this way because he was too scared of others finding out about that night. There's CCTV cameras in the practice room, so their fear was common but what’s the point of this rage now?

 

Here grew a hope in Ten’s heart, an utterly foolish hope that this angry grip on his hand and the momentary frown on Johnny’s face when he saw Ten’s hand linked with Lucas, could be jealousy, and Johnny’s current outburst only fed Ten’s delusion and the false hope that he must feel at least something for Ten. But it was always so disappointing to know that Johnny only responded to Ten acting indifferent. Ten hated that he had to look away to make Johnny look at him. If Johnny had been nicer he would have explained that there was nothing of that sort between him and Lucas but he was bitter and found Johnny's treatment unfair, so he decided to play.

It was probably this bitterness in Ten that made him desperately cling onto the idea that Johnny would respond again and the only thing that Ten needed to do is pay him a little more attention before finally walking away. He would make Johnny realize that it wasn't only Ten who was involved, it was him too. Johnny should be equally responsible. He should suffer the same.  
  
  
  
“Argh,” Ten moaned in pain. He was trying to turn the situation in his favor, wrenching passion out of Johnny. A playful smile crept up on Ten's face, teasing Johnny, mocking his useless anger, and it invited more, more of whatever they had that day. The look on Johnny’s face darkened visibly. He hated giving this boy what he desired, because Ten was not as innocent as he looked and not nearly as nice.  
  
  
  
He took Ten by the waist, his grip hard enough to leave marks on the boy’s tender skin. Of course he was angry, but he wanted to kiss this boy as much as he wanted to crush him. He would have to translate this anger into passion and he did not even have to fake it when Ten stood on his tiptoes and kissed Johnny’s jaw slowly, snaking his arms up Johnny’s back under his untucked shirt. Johnny was still stern and not responding to anything Ten was doing, although his eyes were set on Ten’s beautiful lips which were now wet with saliva.  
  
  
  
The kiss that he took rather than giving, from Ten was hot and angry. His teeth bit Ten’s bottom lip with a force that seemed to indicate that he was still not pleased. Ten gave him exactly what he wanted, a reaction. He moaned and wrenching his lip free, dragged his tongue across Johnny’s soft lips. It was just too much, too bothersome, too dramatic, so Johnny pushed the moment into its final stage by kissing Ten so hard that Ten himself had to stop short to gasp for air. Ten’s back was grinding into the wall, Johnny’s fingers had left angry red marks on Ten’s waist and one of his arms. Everything hurt, Ten’s back, arms, lips, heart and groin. Johnny’s anger did not dissipate, if anything, it had increased manifold at the acute awareness of the fact that they will never be able to recover the friendship it had taken years to build and that his fears would never allow him to have more of this passion. He had to play the bad guy. The frustration alone wanted him to say fuck it and drag Ten to his bed, but this was a secret he couldn’t risk to be let out while he was alive. Years worth of training and struggle would become nothing if he stains his pristine reputation, and as for Ten, the Thai boy never had one to begin with. While Johnny struggled with his own thoughts, Ten broke free and walked away laughing at the dumbfounded look on Johnny’s face.

 

“It’s over, Johnny-hyung,” Johnny heard Ten say.

 


	7. SEVEN

“Xuxi,” Ten said gently and Lucas frowned. They had been talking about Lucas’s dream to be in DREAM, but Ten kept making fun of the younger boy for not fitting the concept. He was bigger than the oldest member in size, so he would have stood out too much. What made it sadder was the fact that Lucas had such a cheery personality, quite like a child’s. Earlier, personality-wise you could not tell Lucas apart from the dream kids, he mingled so well, but lately he had been trying to hang out the hyungs, talking more seriously, distancing himself from his cute-boy-image. Ten had found it amusing which upset Lucas. He did it for Ten, so he could seem more dependable rather than a dependent and here he was being laughed at.

 

“Don’t call me that. Don't treat me like a boy, hyung. Please.” Lucas said with a sad tone rather than sounding offended.

 

“Well, you are a boy,” Ten shrugged and turned to walk away. Lucas gently reached out to stop him and the look on his face was apologetic.

 

“It’s alright Lucas, I’m not angry. It’s just that you’re younger...than me and......I’d like to keep that in mind. Because sometimes I forget…you're still so young,” he said gently. Lucas nodded as if he understood but the hurt showed on his face. Why was Ten so scared of treating him as friend instead of a younger brother. He did not want to be Xuxi to Ten, he wanted to be Lucas to him, on equal footing, as friends, as something more but definitely not as a younger brother who could be sweet-talked and left to play with the kids. Yes, Lucas acted childishly but only to lift everyone’s mood and he because he wasn't afraid to show that he was happy. He hated that this made people not take him seriously.

 

He looked so serious that even Ten measured the gravity of his sadness. Ten tried to lighten the mood now and laughed saying “Oh don’t make that face Lucas. Come on, big guy, let’s eat. I’ll treat you to dinner today.” Lucas appreciated the effort and smiled wide like his usual self. As they walked to the restaurant nearby, Ten hummed the same tune he himself had been humming yesterday. It made something in his heart swell. It seemed that he finally had Ten’s attention, at least some of it, at least subconsciously.

 

The meal was hearty. Lucas was back to his jolly usual self and ate to his heart’s content. While Ten had stopped eating within first 15 minutes claiming that he was full, Lucas knew it was because Ten has been dieting. Ten took a few sips of his wine to keep himself occupied so that Lucas wouldn’t feel awkward eating alone and eyed Lucas’s glass before getting up to leave, which was empty after being refilled twice. Although he had only recently turned old enough to be of legal drinking age, Lucas seemed to be able to hold well. He was walking pretty normally but the effect could definitely be seen in the Lucas’s eyes that weren’t as shy as they usually were. They were serious and reminded him of Johnny and his words. He would ruin Lucas according to Johnny. Probably.

 

The atmosphere felt a bit tense after Ten had suddenly gone quiet. He does that sometimes, Lucas thought. He tried to smile it off but his jaw hurt at the false effort. Nobody knew what to do next. Were they supposed to part here? It would be such a waste. Ten had linked his arm with Lucas’s, and even though they were quiet, both their minds felt like whirlwinds, partly cloudy because of the drinks they’d had. Lucas barely had any compared to the amount he was used to having and instead focused, yet he felt drunk with the aftereffects of giddiness. The happy feeling itself was fading away as they got farther and farther away from the dining place. They had walked 2 minutes barely, but it felt like forever. Ten’s faced was flushed, his gaze turned away. Lucas felt dissatisfied. It’s not enough, he thought. The truth was that he wanted Ten’s attention and damn if he wouldn’t throw a tantrum for it.

 

“Hyung, ten-hyung, can you make ramyun for me? I’m still hungry.”

 

“b-but we just ate Lucas,” he said with a giggle but he was too busy thinking why Lucas would ask him to make ramen when he could just as easily do it himself or ask his roomates. He did not acknowledge the little realization that dawned upon him then and blamed the alcohol for making Lucas whiny. Lucas was tugging at his arm and dragging him away lightly in the direction of his dorm, and honestly, Ten didn’t mind.

 

“Okay, okay, I’ll make it for the two of us even though I know you’ll steal my share and your roommates' too if they’re back by now.” Yet both of them secretly hoped to find the dorm empty.

 

Ten had gone so far just to find an excuse to forget about Johnny for one second, the drinks he'd had weren't helping at all. He could fuck it all up like he always does but at least that’d annoy the hell out of Johnny. But for now, he’ll settle for the comforting sweet smile on Xu Xi’s extraordinarily handsome face.


	8. EIGHT

Lucas looked so serious now, it was a bit out of character, and his gaze was so intense that Ten had to look away shyly. He found it to be amazing how he was being handled by someone younger than him. Lucas’s big frame seemed to loom even larger to Ten from this angle. “Lucas,” Ten said in a voice pleading him to stop but the effect was different, it had ended up sounding too intimate, too slurred, sultry enough to make Lucas stoop and lean down into Ten until his face hovered less an inch above Ten’s. Ten’s breath was caught and Lucas wondered whether it was okay to be this wild. He could stop here and blame in on the alcohol, or he could continue before his courage fails him. Maybe it was position that made him feel confident, with one knee on the side and the other between Ten’s leg who was laying on his back, his body propped up on one arm. Lucas leaned back again, to be in his previous sitting position to admire the boy in his care. The light from the window behind the bed was falling over Ten’s silver hair and his skin seemed to glow which did nothing to help how vulnerable and pretty he looked like this, near and under Lucas. The proximity was setting his nerves on fire. “Fuck,” he thought as his heart raced faster and faster.

 

Right at this moment, Lucas’s mind blanked. He did not what to do, or rather he did not what he should do. What’s the right thing? He couldn’t read Ten, couldn’t tell what he wanted. His cheeks were flushed but that could just be the effect of wine. He took a deep breath and moved a little closer. Ten said his name again, and Lucas put his hands on Ten’s knee, moving it upward slightly in a slow and stroking motion, pressing on the inner thigh softly. Ten drew a deep breath and arched his back a little and let his head fall back, so that now Lucas saw his only his exposed neck. Amazed at the reaction and marvelling at the effect he pulled Ten into him by the waist, so that now Ten was straddling his lap, facing him. Lucas wet his lips and left a little kiss on Ten’s soft neck but lingered his mouth there, taking in Ten’s flowery scent. Ten slightly shivered at the wetness of it and his body closed the gap between them, so the next moment they were almost hugging. From afar it looked as if Lucas’s body had completely enveloped Ten’s tiny frame. Lucas tenderly held Ten by the shoulder and leaned back to face him. He could feel Ten’s heavy breathing and focused gaze. He felt some stirrings. Ten’s eyelids dropped, he was looking down steadily, Lucas found it endearing to see him so shy and quiet. Their noses were almost touching, heads were tilted and lips parted in anticipation; the bomb was about to go off but right then they heard footsteps in the living room. “Fuck!” Lucas said, not because they could have been caught but because this precious moment had been disturbed. He let out a frustrated sigh, while Ten just seemed startled. Ten jumped off the bed quickly and practically ran out the room. Lucas heard two people talking but he himself stayed put in the room, holding his head in his hands. He wanted to punch a wall. He wanted to scream. His body felt hot and dissatisfied.

  
  


“Ah hyung, can i stay here? I’m too tired to go back!” Lucas exclaimed when Ten came back into the room after 20 minutes giving Lucas enough time to recover. He practically whined and rested his hand on his waist as if to prove that he was in pain.

 

“You won’t even fit the bed Lucas.”

 

“We can sleep like a sandwich,” Lucas said while trying to explain it by joining his hands together as if two show two pieces of bread. Ten merely laughed at this, guessing Lucas probably did not even know the implications of what he had said.

 

Lucas laughed too, pleased about creating a light mood, unaware of the innuendo he had made.

 

“You can sleep on the top bunk, I'll take the bottom one as usual,” Ten joked in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think of this fic so far? Pls let me know in the comments, it'll really help me in improving the story. 
> 
> I've already planned the next two chapters and I'll post them v soon.
> 
> Thank you for reading. ^_^


	9. NINE

Feigning indifference was easier than Ten had thought it would be. For the past few days he had done a considerably good job at pretending that Johnny didn’t exist and he absolutely did not bother to analyse why Johnny kept staring at him from across the room. Lucas was out with the dreamies, practising for Dubai concert which had made Lucas so wonderfully excited. It was dream come true for Lucas, so when he told Ten, Ten had highfived him and watched the boy enact the whole Go choreography out of sheer excitement.

 

The manager was busy explaining upcoming schedules for each unit but Johnny’s eyes kept darting back to Ten who was clearly listening to everything manager said. It unnerved Johnny to see Ten so unbothered. After they were done, Ten quickly got up to leave but was stopped by Taeyong to discuss something related to their duet but all the while, Ten looked like he was in a great hurry.

 

Johnny waited. He was impatient, so he kept staring at Ten to let him know that he wanted to talk. “This jerk,” Johnny muttered to himself when he saw Ten almost run out of the room. Johnny absolutely hated being avoided. He walked at first, then dashed out into the hallway and picked up his speed to catch up with Ten.

 

“Wait,” Johnny shouted across the hall but Ten kept on walking.

 

“Stop,” Johnny said with finality in his voice.

 

Ten sighed and turned out, waiting for Johnny to catch up so they could talk and be done with this. It was so tiresome to play this game of push and pull. He would much rather confront than drag this mess out any longer.

 

“Can we talk?” Johnny asked, raising his eyebrow.

 

“Do I have a choice?” Ten retorted.

 

Johnny chuckled lightly. It pulled something in Ten’s heart, reminded him of their old friendly banter, something they could never have again. A dull ache had made home in Ten’s throat. He could cry.

 

“Uh, so it’s true? That day you did not deny what I said about Lucas, so is he fucking you now?” Johnny asked with a straight face and Ten was thankful that there was no disgust in his tone. It was simply a question and Ten decided to answer it honestly. No point in playing games anymore, Ten thought.

 

“First of all, no. He’s not fucking me. He’s only 19, Johnny. Watch what you say. Secondly, even if we do end up getting close like that, it shouldn’t matter to you,” Ten said with a stern voice.

 

“It should matter to me? It doesn’t but don’t forget that you started it. You started it all, that day,” Johnny accused.

 

“Yes, I started it. And you pushed me away. Even Lucas is braver than you are, Johnny hyung,” Ten said calmly and a pained look spread across Johnny’s face. He looked hurt. Ten suddenly felt sorry about what he had said, in so many years of their friendship he had rarely seen clear hurt on Johnny’s face and rarely had he ever been the cause for it. Things have changed.

 

“Look hyung, I’m not mad at you and I am really sorry, you know that. But I don’t know what you want me to do. I’m just trying to make this okay. You’re always mad at me when I talk, and when I don’t you accuse me of running away from the mess I made. What should I do?” Ten said gently, trying to remedy the situation but also trying to explain his side well.

 

Johnny thought for a while and said “Apologize. Apologize for making me like this. This anger saved my reputation Ten, but I’m ruined on the inside.” Although there were no tears in his eyes, his voice had cracked at the end.

 

Ten would have burst out crying at that but all he could think of was how to apologize for something so big. A sigh escaped his lips. He reached out to hold Johnny’s hands in his own and in the most tender voice said “I’m sorry for everything. Everything. It hurts me too, hyung.”

 

Johnny shook his head lightly saying “I’ve punished you enough. It’s alright, Ten.” He leaned into Ten slightly but deciding against it, moved back again. He couldn’t restart this mess. He couldn’t take this pain all over again.

 

Both of them looked hopeful but scared. It hurt so much, there weren’t sure if it was worth it. Silence became unbearable after a few seconds so Johnny turned around to walk back on his own way but before he did, there was a moment of brief eye contact with Ten which ensured him that both of them were thinking the same thing. _Maybe later?_ Ten nodded to himself and watched Johnny walk away.

 

The heartache was still there but Ten’s footsteps automatically turned towards the room Lucas was probably practising with the DREAM kids in. He hoped that one particular smile would kill all the pain.


	10. TEN

Imagine eighteen people crowding into an elevator, all of them with their bags, plus a manager whom they all had to accommodate somehow. The elevator was large but most of them were large too and they were so tightly packed that at one given moment, one person was being squished against other three. It was the day of their Empathy 2018 Showcase and their bodies were pumpin so much adrenaline that none of them felt claustrophobic despite the lack of space in the jam-packed elevator. Most people had their earpods in, some were talking in low voices, Ten’s heart had gone batshit crazy while being squished in a corner against Lucas. The situation was so awfully cheesy and movie-like, that Ten would have cringed if he weren’t too busy trying to calm his heart down. He took a deep breathe and let it out slowly to calm himself down, but this immediately caught Lucas’s attention and he smiled.

 

“Nervous?” Lucas asked, raising his brow at Ten.

 

Ten shook his head with a smile.

  


The showcase went on for what felt like hours and by the time it ended and before they could return to their dorms to pass out, Lucas's back felt like it would never heal. Although he tried not to let his face show how much pain he was in, Kun’s concerned voice got the best of him and he let out a loud groan. It hurt like hell and there was no point in denying it because he couldn’t walk without pulling his aching muscles.

 

Ten was standing nearby, watching Lucas getting massaged by the manager. He had a curious expression, not exactly of concern. He himself had gone through such days where he would wince at every step but would push through tedious dance practices. His knee still hurt occasionally on rainy days. He could understand the fear Lucas felt, the fear that this pain would hinder his success, hinder his hard work within the group, it would render him distant from everyone else. He could still recall the alienation he had felt when his knee had left him on a hospital bed, recovering. He could remember the tears he had shed alone every night in that goddamn hospital, later alone in his stuffy dorm room. No matter how often the other members visited him with flowers and consoled him about his state, all he felt was helpless. Everything felt like such a waste back then, and it hurt him to think that Lucas must be fearing the same. So once the manager moved to help others remove their mics, Ten treaded closer to stand by Lucas’s side, and looking sideways, smiled.

 

“It must be bad today, huh? You had to dance a lot.” It was more of a statement than a question.

 

Lucas whose mind was focused on the sharp pain only nodded.

 

“Want me to help that for you?” Ten asked timidly.

 

This snapped Lucas back to attention. He looked at Ten with a puzzled expression.

 

“I mean, I could massage it for you. I’m good at it. In Thailand, I was quite fond of it,” Ten clarified.

 

Lucas without saying anything lifted his arms up. Ten moved to his stand behind his back with great confidence and rubbed it at first and then kneaded the lower back his his thumbs and occasionally with palms, and slowly moved towards the sides. His gaze was trained on Lucas’s shirt and not on his own hands while Lucas’s eyes had found a spot on the table in front of him, to stare at. He was trying  hard to not let his composure slip. The touch was strictly mechanical, it wasn’t meant to be sensual but Lucas’s mind kept going elsewhere. The pain relief was immediate, Ten was indeed as good as he had claimed to be. Lucas was just beginning to relax under the pressure of Ten’s hand against his hard back in repetitive circular motions when suddenly Ten’s hands brushed against his back in a feathery touch. Ten had lifted Lucas’s shirt from the back and it confused Lucas’s poor mind so much that he just stood there, stunned. It seemed that Ten wasn’t aware of the result of his action because he continued lifting the shirt up till Lucas’s back was in full view to him.

 

“Hmmmm. No outward evidence. Where exactly does it hurt Lucas?” Ten asked.

 

Lucas unable to form a single coherent sentence in his mind and just stood there in shellshock. Ten repeated himself at which Lucas finally managed to say “Oh, uh, on my left mostly and lower back.” Ten’s hand slowly made its way to Lucas’s left and this time it felt sensuous, because it was directly in contact with his skin as his shirt was still lifted up bunched up in Ten’s other free hand. It sent a shiver down Lucas’s entire body. This is what heaven must feel like, Lucas thought, finding this short moment to be altogether more exciting than performing on stage in front of thousands of fans. _Is this even real?_ His numb mind was slowly creeping back to its senses. But it was over as soon as it had started. The room was emptying, Taeyong was calling everyone to shuffle out of the dressing room, managers were packing up the finals items left and Ten hands had withdrawn. Lucas shirt fell over to cover his back again shielding him from the cold air but the only warmth his body yearned for was of Ten’s warm hands.

 

He tucked the shirt in, relieved to feel his sharp back pain receding to its normal dull state again. When he turned around to see Ten’s face, he was shocked to find a smirk playing across Ten’s lips. He had done it on purpose, had touched him like that with intention and Lucas was dumbstruck at the reality. Color crept into his cheeks and Ten’s little chuckle made him dizzy all over again.

 

_It is real._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I'm done with all my class assignments, I'll try my best to update as regularly as I possibly can. I feel so blessed to be seeing so much of Ten these days. We got some serious Yukten interaction in the latest vlive and some thigh-grabbing. ;) And Johnten selfies. Bless. What do you guys think of the story so far? It v hard for me to decide between Johnten and Yukten cause both ships are so good in their own ways. Johnten is more aggressive in my mind, and Yukten is gentler, if that makes any sense? In any case, I am not a sucker for tragedy, so I'm thinking of a happy ending. What kind of ending would you guys want? Please let me know via comments. It really help me to understand where to take the story as it's my first time writing a fic, I hope I'll be able to do a good job. As always, thank you for taking the time to read it. <3 Enjoy! If you like it, do let me know. It encourages ya girl to continue writing.


	11. ELEVEN

“What?” Ten finally snapped at Taeyong who had been eyeing him for too long with disdain.

 

“I saw that Ten,” Taeyong said sternly but he looked a little sad too. He didn’t want Ten to get in any mess. The boy was too sensitive and has had his fair share of problems in the past. Ten will get in trouble with the company if anything is found out.

 

“Nothing happened,” Ten said in a very low voice. He looked ashamed. He hadn’t noticed Taeyong standing in the doorway waiting for the last two to leave when Ten was examining Lucas’s back. There was no way Taeyong missed the expression on Lucas’s face and when Ten had left the room smirking, Taeyong had pretended not to see anything. Thinking about it overnight had made Taeyong uneasy. He couldn’t let Ten be so rash. Lucas was still young and wouldn’t be held responsible for anything that happens, the blame will rest entirely on Ten’s shoulders. This was no light matter.

 

Taeyong wanted to talk to Ten about this seriously but looking at Ten abashed face, he didn’t know how to scold him for it.

 

“Be careful, Ten. The company has some rules. Please don’t take them lightly,” Taeyong reminded him. Something in him wanted Ten to take the warning more seriously, so he added “It’s not just about you. It will affect all of us.”

 

Ten looked away in shame. He kept ending up in situations like these, where he was repeatedly reminded of the shameful things he’d done. He knew that Taeyong meant well, in fact it was Taeyong who had supported Ten and his opinions in the worst of time. Taeyong was the one who had made him comfortable when he was still an SM rookie, Taeyong had included him in every activity, had comforted him on many occasions. During BDS, Taeyong’s presence had made him feel comfortable being on stage again. That was a long time ago, though. Now it wasn’t about Ten, he felt, it was about the team. His team. My team? Ten asked himself. The answer was the gap which was still there, wide as ever, hard to bridge.

“Is it really wrong, hyung?” Ten asked without looking up, in a dead voice.

 

“Hardly. But I don’t make the rules here, Ten. We all hold back a lot. Right now, we just need to focus on NCT and nothing else.” Taeyong’s voice was gentle with Ten. He wanted to protect whatever was left in him. Their life wasn’t easy at all. He held back from mentioning Johnny. From what little information Johnny had given him when he had pestered him for it after seeing Lucas and Ten together, Taeyong could gather that something had went down between Johnny and Ten.

 

“I actually thought the company would consider making you go solo,” Taeyong said laughing and then with a tender note in his voice said “we’ve got you back after such a long time, Ten. Let’s enjoy it. Don’t think too much, focus on our comeback.”

 

Ten nodded, when Taeyong held him by the nape. It was his usual way to reassure Ten that everything was going to be okay but only if Ten tried to. He was grateful that Taeyong had bothered to calm his worries. He was happy to be back as a part of NCT. There was no need to make things harder for himself. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and when he opened them again, he saw the world with much more clarity and in his heart, he knew exactly what he needed to do.

“I’ll take it easy,” he whispered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the recent chapters are a bit boring but it'll get better. i really like the chapter ive written for tomorrow. stay tuned.


	12. TWELVE

How much longer would they cover things up with jokes and laughter, Lucas wasn’t sure. One of them had to take charge and drag them to that level of comfort where they could at least hold hands without a pretext. How many more excuses? Could they not just be? That was still far off though, he needed a confirmation first.

 

  _*later that night*_

 

The air was buzzing with nervousness. Lucas’s usual forbearing demeanor was one of calculation. He was thinking very hard about how to take it from here. Ten walking next to him was looking straight ahead and occasionally laughing in Jaehyun’s direction who kept turning around to make faces at him. Lucas was laughing along but his brain was too occupied with brainstorming. How would he get Ten to be alone with him? All 18 of them were walking to the company’s cafeteria to have dinner together. It was a rare occurrence, so everyone seemed pretty excited. Amid the noise, Lucas's eyes looked for a momentary escape. One last excuse, he thought. It will be the last one. He tapped Ten on the shoulder, feigning concern on his own face.

 

Ten immediately turned his face to look at him. Lucas had stopped walking and Ten eyes narrowed to ask Lucas why.

 

“What’s wrong, Lucas?”

 

“Hyung, I forgot my wallet back in the practice room.”

 

“I’ll pay for your dinner, come now, we’ll get it later,” Ten tugged at his sleeves so they could follow the rest. The rest of them had gone quite far ahead, so they needed to catch up with them.

 

“I can’t, hyung. I have important stuff in it!” Lucas exclaimed impatiently.

 

“Oh yes. Okay, go get it. I’ll tell the rest,” Ten nodded in the opposite direction.

Lucas huffed. Was Ten really that clueless?

 

“Ah, come with me,” Lucas whined.

 

Lucas whined so often, Ten was pretty much used to it, so he only shook his head lightly.

 

“Alright. Alright. Let’s hurry,” Ten couldn’t resist.

 

So they turned around with urgency, although both had different reasons, their steps matched and as soon as they entered the room which was now dark because all the lights were off, Ten moved towards the switchboard. Lucas without wasting a second, in a long stride, stepped in front of Ten to block his path. Their bodies partly collided and when Ten jumped back a little, Lucas’s hand reached out to steady him.

 

“Ah! Lucas! You scared me,” Ten defended his reaction. He genuinely thought Lucas was playing a prank by scaring him like that but Lucas wasn’t laughing. The silence made him feel strange and Lucas’s hand was holding onto Ten’s arm. It made him wonder, wonder whether this would be the moment where all hell breaks loose. The warnings will boil down to nothing. It’ll be a mess, but Lucas’s grip on his arm was steady, the room was too dark, everything else seemed so far away, and there was nobody to see this, nobody to bother them. And then he understood why they were here all alone, why Lucas had whined for him to tag along.

 

“So no wallet to look for, huh?” Ten chuckled. He was thankful that Lucas couldn’t see the nervousness on his face.

 

Lucas was still quiet, no words left his mouth, he was breathing easy now unlike Ten who had difficulty controlling his heavy breaths. Removing the grip on Ten’s arm, he moved his hand to Ten’s face and caressed Ten’s cheek slowly. From this angle, he could sense that Ten was looking up at him. For a second, he wished the lights were on so he could see Ten’s wistful face, but the last thing he wanted was to Ten scare away with the longing apparent on his own face. The moment was within his reach, Ten was under his steady spell, he closed his eyes and begged his heart for a little more courage.

 

Before his heart could be that generous, Ten made the move first, stepping on his tippy toes and throwing his arms around Lucas’s neck, Ten planted his lips across Lucas’s and what came next was the exchange of kisses one after another with such urgency that Ten had difficulty keeping up. Lucas had wanted to be more gentle with Ten but he could hardly control his emotions, his desperation, his longing for more.

 

Lucas had his arms around Ten’s waist holding him steady because the boy kept going on his tiptoes to reach Lucas’s lips. Lucas bent down his neck and his body slightly to make it easier for Ten, but Ten gently whispered against his lip “It’s okay Lucas, don’t bend, it’ll hurt your back.” 

 

Ten's hands had pushed their way into Lucas's soft brown hair and he held onto them whenever Lucas deepened the kiss. He wanted more of Lucas. In the dark, all they could rely on was touch and the sensation it left. Ten's hands were impatient, not staying in one place for too long. One hand still grabbing Lucas's hair, Ten's other hand slipped down to Lucas's abdomen and he dragged it all the way from his abs to his chest, feeling the hardness of it enough to keep his hands busy for the moment but not nearly enough to satisfy him. Lucas's shirt was in the way. He wanted it off and Ten would have done it himself. Poor Lucas on the other hand was going crazy inside his head listening to the soft sounds that escaped Ten's lips. One of his hands had gone done to grab Ten's sweet ass but he held back unsure if he had the consent, which was stupid considering Ten was literally clinging onto him as if it was a matter of life or death. 

 

Lucas wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. All of this seemed unreal, Ten almost begging for his mouth, his own desires finding fulfillment, the warmth under his palms and the sexy movement of Ten’s tongue against his own. He held Ten as close as he could, not wasting a minute more in his thoughts. If this was only a dream, he’ll curse himself in the morning, but for the moment he chose to let himself go, let Ten melt right there in his arms.

 

“Oh god, they’re all probably looking for us,” Ten said, breaking the kiss abruptly. Lucas was a bit disappointed but it was better to go back than worrying others, and if the kiss had gone any longer, Lucas would have lost whatever little self control his groin had. Ten dragged him by the arm to move faster but Lucas acted like a puppy who didn’t wanna go to the vet.

 

“Remind me to give you something after the dinner. I’ve been carrying it around all day,” Ten said, dropping Lucas’s arm and picking his own pace to walk faster. This piqued Lucas’s interest instantly and he followed Ten at a much greater much speed and with a lot more enthusiasm.

 

Ten, who was walking ahead, had a content smile plastered across his face and he definitely didn’t want Lucas to see it, so not once during the whole way upto the large dinner table did he let his speed drop and much to his relief, Lucas kept up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, its really awkward for me to write smut, so i gave up adding it to this chapter, i'll try again in the next chapter maybe? idk we'll see. our baby lucas was a little unsure so he didn't do much today, but tomorrow will be his day, ten better be ready.
> 
> lately i've been revisiting the old chapters to edit out any grammatical errors, but this one is unedited, so sorry for any typos. let me know if you have any suggestions for the story. only 3 more chapters left, woohoo!


	13. THIRTEEN

Lucas dropped his heavy body on the bench next to Ten. Everybody on the dinner table was staring at them questioningly. Lucas hadn’t thought of what they were going to say about where they were and he was hoping Ten would handle it.

Taeyong’s initial worries had changed into disappointment when he saw Lucas trail behind Ten who entered the room with a flushed face. At the end of the table, a frown settled on Johnny’s face and his eyes were set on Lucas instead of Ten.

Ten coughed and said “Lucas forgot his wallet, so we went to get it back.” Most people accepted the explanation and resumed eating, but it didn’t fool Taeyong and Johnny. Even Jaehyun, next to whom Ten had taken a seat, didn’t seem too convinced. Ten pursed his lips in a muffled smile when Jaehyun side-eyed him. Jaehyun eyebrows shot up in question but Ten only shrugged.

When he looked up to discreetly look at Johnny, he saw Johnny was still staring at Lucas coldly. It made him uneasy. Lucas, however, was too busy eating.

“Try this hyung, it’s sooo good,” Lucas said with mouth full of food and slid a bowl towards Ten’s vicinity. They continued eating like that, Mark was chattering about something stupid Haechan had said during the day, Taeyong and Kun were discussing the upcoming performances. Ten and Jaehyun were laughing about this and that.

“Ah, I’m so full.” Jaehyun rubbed his stomach.

“You? So soon? How come? That can’t be right!” Ten said laughing.

Lucas was taking a break before he moved onto the next dish. Ten’s face was averted away and he was having fun making conversation with Jaehyun. He felt weird that Ten was not looking at him after they had shared something so intimate. He knew he was being needy but so what.

His right hand moved to the side and grabbed Ten’s thigh. Ten almost gasped but the fact that it was Lucas who was sitting on his left made the action a little less surprising. It was known to be a typical Lucas thing, grabbing thighs. He had the bad habit of grabbing the thigh of whoever he sat next to and the humongous size of his hands only magnified the effect it had and how weird it seemed to an onlooker. His hands always seemed to want to grip onto things.

Ten turned his head to slightly to look at Lucas to check whether it was intentional or a result of his habit as usual. Sure enough it was, at least it seemed that way to Ten. Lucas was trying hard not laugh at Ten’s confused expression he had seen out of the corner of his eyes while he pretended that it was just out of habit. His face was facing Mark who was laughing at something but his attention was on the leg under his palm. At least, he got Ten’s attention. It’s not much but it made him happy anyway.

Ten didn’t know whether to laugh or complain about how often Lucas touched and rubbed his thigh during the dinner that lasted an hour. Ten knew Johnny had noticed it too but he didn’t seem to care. Nobody cared. Most of all, Lucas didn’t care what effect it was having on him. It was embarrassing him to the core that he couldn’t even focus on what people were saying because he was too busy feeling the grip on his thigh and what’s worse is that he felt slightly disappointed Lucas nonchalantly removed his hand. What the hell is happening to him, Ten didn’t understand.

He was worried too. Johnny didn’t look too happy. He kept taking turns between staring at his food in displeasure and at Lucas with coldness. It worried Ten to see Johnny act that way and that too in front of everyone else. Johnny wasn’t the type of person to compromise his nice-guy disposition in front of other members. Tonight, however, his temper was out in the open and Ten felt that it would be his fault to crack his wrath open. So he carefully moved a little away from Lucas and shifted more towards Jaehyun. Of course, Lucas noticed this and frowned, Johnny noticed saw Lucas frowning and it made him uneasy, Ten saw Johnny getting uneasier by the minute and he tried to remedy the situation by moving even farther away and this cycle would have repeated itself painfully all night, if the tables hadn’t been finally cleared away. It was time for everyone to go back to their dorms and rest.

Lucas tried to cheer himself up and poked Ten’s shoulder to ask him about what he wanted to give him all day. Ten smiled and said “Not now, let everyone leave first.” Lucas pouted but complied anyway.

Later when most of the people had filed out of the dining hall, Lucas faced Ten with anticipation clear on his face and was genuinely surprised when Ten forcefully removed the left hand that Lucas had shoved in his pocket. Ten, while one of his hand held Lucas’s, reached into his own pocket with the other free hand and took out a black ring similar to the one he himself always wore on his thumb and slid the band on Lucas’s middle finger.

“Oh, it is like yours,” Lucas said, beaming while examining the sleek black band on his finger. It fit perfectly.

“Yeah, I bought two of them a very long time ago and I decided to give this to you.”

It touched Lucas. Of all the people Ten was very close to and could have given to, he chose Lucas. Lucas’s newly ringed finger found it’s away against the ring in Ten’s. Their hands intertwined and both of them were smiling with their eyes. Ten didn’t even have to ask whether Lucas liked it because it was apparent on his face. The sun would have looked dull in comparison. He look at their hands held like that and marvelled at the preciousness of this simple thing. He could never give or receive this much happiness from anyone else, it seemed.

The cafeteria would close soon and they had to make it back to their rooms. It had been a long day but pleasantly so.  
The question hung in the air and both of them scrunched their foreheads in deep thought. Lucas wanted to stay at Ten’s dorm room for the night but when he had suggested so, Ten simply asked “What will you tell them? I don’t think the managers will allow.” So both of them thought hard about the excuses they could possibly give without looking suspicious. They could not come up with anything and it frustrated them to no end.

Ten pouted when Lucas asked him to come to his dorm instead. “Managers always listen to you hyung. Just say that you’re feeling sad today.”

“I am afraid I’ve already used up all my pity cards seeing how frequently I kept coming to your dorms to eat.”

They laughed and sighed at the same time, knowing they would have to part shortly but their hearts were so full they knew they’d be able to live through the night. Ten side-hugged him with care and said “You’ll survive Lucas. We have the same schedule tomorrow.”

“Oh, I know I will. I’m worried about you hyung. How will you stop thinking about me?” Lucas winked and ran when Ten tried to hit him playfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was fluffy. Next chapter will be hella dramatic. (Spolier - anger and some tears involved) The finale shall be blessed by smut. 
> 
>  
> 
> (Sorry for the late update, I graduated yesterday.)


	14. FOURTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the full experience please listen to STREETCAR by Daniel Caesar, that is what I was listening to when I wrote this. Enjoy!

“What’s the matter?” Ten asked Lucas who was avoiding his eyes.

Lucas answered with a slight shake of his head, still avoiding direct eye contact.

“Oh, come on. Something is definitely up. I made a joke a minute ago and you didn’t even laugh.”

“So clever, hyung. You know exactly what the matter is.”

Ten had been laughing before, thinking that Lucas was pretending to be pissed about something to get something, but the hint of irony in what he had just said caused Ten to turn serious. He was genuinely concerned now. Had he done something wrong? A hundred things popped up in his mind. He was always fucking things up, so it could be anything. So, no, he did not know exactly what the matter was but he had a faint idea and it scared the hell out of him.

 

Earlier that day, Lucas had been cornered in the hall by a serious looking Johnny. His nerves were on edge when Johnny spoke Ten’s name softly, as if he had known Ten a little too closely.

Lucas’s face fell when he heard Johnny say “Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but don’t let Ten lead you on. He was all over me just two weeks ago, snogging me. Focus on your work and stay out of this. Seriously, he’s not good for you. We all love him but there’s a line to it. And I don’t know how to tell you this but Ten is pretty reckless when it comes to anyone other than his own self.”

He did not even give Lucas enough time to frame a response and with a light but serious pat on his back left him all alone in that godforsaken desolate hall. His mind couldn’t help but take Johnny’s warning seriously. For the first time, Lucas thought to look behind what was apparent. Why would Johnny lie? This would explain Ten’s evasive behaviour around Johnny and Johnny’s coldness towards him. Ten had hid it all too well, Lucas felt betrayed. Only yesterday, Ten had kissed him so deeply and now here he was, questioning whether he’d been played. All that he had cherished so deeply stood at the mercy of a lie.

Lucas managed to trudge through the day in a deeply disturbed state. The last time something had affected him so much, he was stuck in the hospital alone, being treated for his back ache. This was something else entirely. To confront or not? Confront for what? Wasn’t the truth obvious? Lucas’s head was clouded with conflict due the undetailed information he had come to acquire about the shared moments of intimacy between Ten and Johnny, however chaotic and unplanned they may have been in reality.

Ten shook Lucas by the shoulder to bring his attention back to reality. It was unlike Lucas to zone out so much. Lucas flinched a little.

“Lucas, what is it?”

“You and Johnny hyung….,” Lucas still didn’t clearly state what exactly he knew now. What, where or why hardly seemed to matter. Ten had kissed Johnny while Lucas was under the impression that his affections were being returned.

Ten was more shocked than angry at Johnny. Why would Johnny do that? He thought everything was okay between them now. “I’ve punished you enough Ten,” Johnny had said that day. _Clearly not enough_ , Ten thought to himself.

Ten sat up a little straighter when he heard that. He felt like sirens were going on in his head. He had no answer that he could possibly say to make things okay. Lucas was clearly hurt and kinda pissed. Ten was in shock. He stuttered out a few words in an attempt to pacify Lucas’s pain but it seemed as he was bluffing and it ended up making him look all the more guilty of what he had been accused.

Lucas was staring at Ten very intently, hoping with every fibre of his being that Ten had a good enough explanation to save this, waiting for the right words to escape Ten’s lips. Denial. Remorse. Lies. Anything. But Ten was dead quiet now.

“You’re not even gonna deny it hyung?” Lucas said, shaking his head as if he had already given up on learning the other truth.

“There is nothing to deny, Lucas. I don’t know what to say,” Ten managed to say, feebly. The truth was he had a lot to explain, he just didn’t know where to begin. The more he realized he would have to involve in the truth, the more he would have to reveal of his own uglier side, a side that was careless, desperate and hurtful.

Lucas who was feeling anger and sadness at the same time, let anger overshadow the pain because he simply could not stand feeling helpless. Anger, at least, would distract him from the hurt he was feeling, so he let it bubble up till he could stand Ten no longer and hurried to leave.

He did his absolute best to ignore the sound of Ten’s footsteps following him across the street. He was almost running and he wished Ten would stop pursuing him. He could not deal with anything right now. He wanted peace, peace from his own loud emotions.

“Lucas! Lucas! Lucas wait! Please. You’re being unreasonable.” Ten said while he chased Lucas who had stormed away in anger.

Lucas was in disbelief at the last word. “Unreasonable?” he shouted, turning around like a storm.

“I’m being unreasonable hyung? What part of your reasoning allowed you to play me like that?” Lucas said with a voice laced with sarcasm. His words froze Ten to the core. Lucas never talked like that. He couldn’t even deny that Lucas had a point. It wasn’t intentional but he had kept Lucas in the dark under the illusion that over time his little wildness with Johnny will be be forgotten and for a second, it almost had faded out of his consciousness, but he should have known better that Johnny’s anger tends to accumulate.

Lucas’s face was enraged but standing under the streetlight cast such deep shadows under his eyes that to Ten he looked almost tired. Lucas dragged his palms across his face and closed eyes. He was tired. Tired of being angry this way. The truth was, he was devastatingly sad and he wanted to cry freely right there and then. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Ten’s beautiful face, glowing under the yellow light above and Lucas thought it should be a crime to look that serene in this situation that only promised pain and despair. With desperation, his eyes searched Ten’s, for any sign of remorse or some sadness but found only that serenity which had enraged him seconds ago. Why? In that moment, Lucas was reminded of the inequality of their needs. He felt like he had been trodden up, thrust to the side whenever the situation called. Was he really that dispensable to Ten?

Ten’s eyes were almost looking beyond Lucas. His state was one of resignation. He had accepted it all, Johnny’s betrayal, his own betrayal towards Lucas and Lucas’s anger. It was probably only Lucas who was blameless. Ten’s guilt was so powerful that he waited for a punishment, for something horrible, for rejection. He wanted Lucas to shout at him, to tell that he is horrible. He would silently take it all. He did not even realize when tears dripped down his cheeks, down his collar, one after another. Lucas didn’t notice it either, for he stood at a large distance that seemed unbridgeable from both their perspectives.

Nothing that either of them could have said would be nice enough. If they opened their mouths, hurtful stuff would slip out and so both of them kept everything down within themselves. Lucas would accept the past, but the present’s bleakness made him feel so incredibly hopeless that tears flooded his eyes, blurring the entire world to him. It was only pain then, it was only hurt.

Ten forgot his own misery then, when he saw Lucas cry for the first time while he had been here. It was unnatural, almost disastrous and to think that he had caused it. He spoke then, not caring for how badly Lucas would think of him. Words were spilling, moving backwards in time, and while explaining the whole story to Lucas, he held nothing back. He told no lies. The truth was laid out bare, in the open, for Lucas to judge as he saw fit. Though in the end, a plea escaped “It’s my past, I can’t change it. When I kissed you Lucas, I meant it.”

Lucas silently wiped his eyes. When Ten moved towards him, he moved a step back.

“I need time hyung. I really need some time.”

Ten saw Lucas plod his way wearily down the road. Although he followed him briefly in the same direction, Ten had to take the left homewards. What’s worse than parting with heavy hearts, not with sweet love but bitterness at the past?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to be so inconsistent with what I say, but it seems I'll have to add an extra chapter so that both ships get good closures. Of course only one ship can sail but I'm gonna treat the other with mercy. So yes, 2 more chapters to go. This chapter was hard to write, I can't see my precious babies cry and we're yet to see Johnny's side. So much drama! Hope you liked this chapter, even though it was sad and unnecessarily long. Sorry for the typos, this chapter is unedited. As always, thank you taking the time to read this fic. <3 It makes me very very very happy to see your comments. Thank you even if you're a silent reader. ^_^


	15. FIFTEEN

By the time Ten reached his room, it was almost 1 am. He normally went to bed at 3 am but he was so exhausted he literally craved for sleep, but at the same time he knew that as tired as he may be, sleep won’t come easily to him tonight. He lay in his bed, staring above. It was not a sudden urge, in fact, it was not something he wanted to do at all but he felt that he should, so he took his cellphone out of his pocket and with great reluctance, dialed Johnny’s number.

 

Johnny was fast asleep when his phone rang. It was pretty normal for him to receive calls while he was half asleep, so thinking it was something related to work again, he reached over and accepted the call without even checking the name. He waited for the other person to speak first, so he could greet accordingly.

 

Ten was not prepared but he was so done with everything that he couldn’t care about being anxious anymore. 

 

“Johnny,” he said.

 

“Oh. Ten. Ummm, hi,” Johnny said unsurely.

 

“Thought we were okay, but I guess not. Do you have any idea how Lucas is feeling right now?” Ten voice was low and serious.

 

“It’s easy to guess,” Johnny said, in a matter-of-fact tone.

 

“And? You don’t care that he’s so hurt because of what you told him? Weren’t you always so damn concerned about every damn member?” Ten asked, bewildered.

 

“Because of what I told him? No, Ten. It’s because of what you did to him. To us. Do you care what I felt when I saw what’s going on between you two? No.”

 

Ten was silent again. After some time had passed, he weakly said “It was too soon to tell him, Johnny. He….wasn’t ready.”

 

“And he never would have been,” Johnny’s voice softened a bit. Although Johnny said this, Lucas was a gentle kid and if he had known the intensity of Lucas’s feelings, he probably would have held back the truth.

 

“I don’t what to do anymore. Are we even?” Ten asked, hurrying to hang up.

 

“Huh?” Johnny didn’t understand what Ten meant.

 

“I mean, are you done doing stuff like that? Or is there something left?”

 

“Do you really think I do this out of spite? Is that what you think of me?” Johnny asked, indignantly but Ten’s silence answered it all.

 

“I thought I was saving our friendship, but seems like I made it worse,” Johnny voice quivered a little. Ten caught the emotion. 

 

“Is that what you were trying to do? Save mine and Lucas’s friendship?” Ten’s question wasn’t a question, rather a musing. He was looking back at simpler times, when they could just laugh stuff off. Friendships were better indeed. “Hmmm, I can’t even blame you, Johnny. My indecisiveness makes such a mess. It’s done, though. I’ll try to make it okay. He’ll understand, right?” Ten was rambling now, more to himself than Johnny. Johnny was listening quietly on the other end of the line. His sleep had abandoned him and now he was stuck there wondering where he fit in the whole picture. Wherever he was, he wasn’t the centre. He was definitely not the centre of Ten’s attention anymore and it will take more than a night for Johnny to come to terms with it.

 

After Ten hung up, his eyelids slowly closed on their own and he drifted off to a dreamless sleep failing to wake up at the sound of his own blaring alarm. His manager had to knock at least thrice before Ten finally woke up but his eyes were clear and determined beneath yesterday’s smudged eyeliner.

  
  
  
  


Lucas woke up with one of the worst headaches he had ever had. Memories from last night flooded his mind as soon as he opened his eyes. The only relief was that he dreamt nothing that night, thought he kept waking up every few hours af it he had something left unfinished. After coming back, he had just crashed on his bed and drifted off almost as if crying for 5 minutes had completely exhausted all the energy he possessed. Although his head suffered pangs every few seconds, his mind had much more clarity than it had yesterday. 

 

Without a doubt, he wanted things to be okay again. How? He would think of that later. For now, he got ready and braced himself to face the day that promised to be awfully long. 

 

Lucas and Jungwoo were talking in very low voices when Ten came to the reception area, he pretended to be listening to music with his earpods in but in reality, the music was off and he was busy trying to determine how Lucas was feeling. Lucas had not noticed his late arrival and it was only when they had to climb into the van to head to their fanmeet that Lucas noticed a forlorn Ten being ushered by the manager towards the second van. Lucas had entered into the first van already but the relief was temporary because just when they were about to leave, the manager knocked at the window and signalled Ten to climb in.

 

“The other one is full. Make space for him quickly,” manager said in a hurried voice, nudging Ten towards the door. They were running late. Ten looked like a lost puppy while  he waited for them to make space for him. Kun was the first one to shift towards to other end so Ten could sit with him. Ten smiled at Kun gratefully and climbed in. Lucas eyes dug into Ten’s back. The difference a day can make, it was astonishing that only two days ago they were in each other’s arms and now they did not dare look at each other. This thought had just crossed his mind, when Ten turned his head around to look at Lucas with a brief flash of sadness. Lucas looked away and instead stared outside the window at nothing in particular.

 

Ten not once but multiple times turned to look back at Lucas during the 25 minute car ride. Even Kun noticed that Ten was trying to say something. 

 

“Is everything okay?” Kun asked.

 

Ten would have nodded like he always does when asked about the state of things, but not today. He shook his head and said “No. Nothing is.” He did not want to worry Kun but one lesson he had learnt was not to withhold things just because you didn’t want to worry others, it did more harm in the long run. 

 

Kun leaned forward and his forehead wrinkled with worry. Ten smiled at how concerned he looked, his heart softened at how much Kun cared. 

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll make it okay,” Ten assured him with slight confidence, patting his arm gently. Kun nodded, trusting him.

 

The journey was peaceful. When they were about to exit the car, to face all the screaming fans and cameras. Ten turned around one last time to smile at Lucas who was looking directly at him, waiting to climb after the front-seaters would. Lucas watched him expressionlessly, but Ten could swear he felt as if Lucas’s lips were about to twitch into a smile, and true enough, Lucas had to fight off the reflex. All his life he had been smiling, for once he didn’t.

 

The fanmeet lasted 3 hours. Lucas had pretty much returned to normal again after looking at the fan’s cheerful faces. It felt weird to catch Ten smiling at him again and again throughout the event and although he did not smile back, he could feel his anger slowly melting away because he had to make an effort to stop himself from smiling every time Ten beamed at him. This side of Ten was unusual to see. He was clearly making efforts even though Lucas had always known that Ten hated being awkward. Lucas thought to himself ‘ _ Well, at least hyung is making efforts, I might as well enjoy it. _ ’

 

After the fan meet was over, they were allowed to rest in the waiting room before boarding their vans again. Johnny was handing out water-bottles to each person. When he handed one to Lucas, their eyes met and Johnny carefully studied Lucas’s face. He could gather that something had went down by looking at the dark circles under Lucas’s eyes that were visible despite having been concealed with make-up. There was no coldness in Johnny’s actions, he had done his part. It was not his intention to hurt Lucas, or Ten for that matter. Even jealousy was the secondary matter here, Johnny was worried about the mess they would make in the future. The only reason why he himself had given up Ten was because he was scared of the consequences it would have on their lives as idols. It astonished him to think that neither Lucas nor Ten had give this issue importance. He moved on with the distribution of bottles thinking back to last night when Ten had called him.

  
  
  


Having come back from the fanmeet, some of them stood in the reception area of the company building, waiting for the second van to reach, so they all could head to the cafeteria for lunch together. Kun was talking to Lucas about what he planned to make for dinner, Lucas looked enthusiastic as usual talking about food, even recommending side dishes they should have that night. Ten joined the two of them, making Lucas suddenly very awkward, but Ten pretended not to notice that he was making the situation uncomfortable. 

 

“Can I join you all for dinner today?” he asked, innocently. 

 

“Yes, definitely. Since when do you ask Ten, you can show up as always,” Kun said with his usual good-natured laugh. It made the mood less awkward.

 

Lucas had suddenly found a very interesting spot on the ground to stare at. 

 

“Ah, are you saying I’m a freeloader Kun. Is that a diss for me?” Ten said, half laughing, half pretending to be offended.

 

Lucas had to purse his lips to stifle his laugh.

  
  
  
  


They had a little dining table at the their dorm which could seat four people, although one of the chairs Lucas kept in his room, which was used as that chair where everybody piled up their clothes, had been dragged out for Ten. Kun and Ten sat facing Jungwoo and Lucas, most of table was occupied with food, the TV was on but nobody was paying it any attention.

 

“Shall we start?” Kun announced and everybody in a sort of agreement, dug into their plates. Lucas was too busy munching when a leg kicked him under the table. At first, he thought it was Jungwoo being silly but he was helping Kun pass a plate. The slight kick came again and this time he noticed that it came from the front. It was Ten, whose face showed nothing at all. Lucas’s brow quirked up in confusion. He coughed to get Ten’s attention.

 

Ten looked up suddenly and a realization dawned upon his face.

“Oh. It was you. Sorry, I thought I was kicking the table’s leg,” Ten said with an apologetic smile. 

 

Although Lucas nodded to dismiss it, he was a bit disappointed. 

 

“Hyung, you gave him a couple ring. Where’s mine?” Jungwoo asked pouting, suddenly when he saw Lucas rolling the ring in his finger with his thumb. Lucas was taken aback a bit by the suddenness of it.

 

“Because he’s my favourite here. You have to try harder Jungwoo,” Ten played along, smiling his usual confident smile.

 

Lucas was flustered listening to Ten call him his favourite. It was the same bubbling feeling in his heart that he had first felt when he saw Ten. That feeling had invaded his life ever since. Feeling it now reminded him of everything that he could have with Ten. He looked up at Ten who sat with an easy posture making himself feel right at home, and for the sake of that same warm feeling, he wanted to play along.

 

Lucas teasingly added “You can have mine, Jungwoo hyung. I’m sure Ten hyung won’t mind.”

 

Ten’s mouth hung open and Lucas laughed so hard that the table shook a little. The tension between them was slowly dissolving and it made their hearts lighter. A burden was sliding off. Being completely fine was a long way off but even this much progress felt enough for now.

 

They smiled at each other, it was not a wide grin you would throw at your friends when they walked up to you, rather it was an inviting sort of smile that seemed to say “thank you for trying to make things okay.” For a second, everything was tranquil, especially their hearts. Kun had noticed that Lucas and Ten had talked for the first time in two days and that too indirectly, so he kept the conversation going, and soon enough they were talking between themselves, smiling and laughing openly, as if nothing had been wrong before it.

  
  


“I’m so full I can’t breathe,” Lucas groaned, still slumped in his dining chair.

 

Ten snorted. “Moderation is the key, Lucas. When will you learn it?”

 

Lucas smirked and leaning forward said “Says the one with no restraint in dark rooms.”

 

Ten went red in the face. He couldn’t believe Lucas just said that in front of everyone else.

 

While Jungwoo looked purely confused, Kun laughed and said “Wh-what?”

 

Lucas pursed his lips again. He was trying hard to keep a straight face but the situation was too funny, Ten looked so startled and embarrassed with his eyes wide and lips still parted. 

 

“Oops. Ask Ten hyung, he will tell,” Lucas excused himself, winking at Ten. Clearing the plates from the table, he went to the kitchen sink to clean them. Tonight, it was his turn to do the dishes and he would take his sweet ass time while Ten struggles at the table.


	16. SIXTEEN

“It’s too late. I don’t think you should go alone Ten,” Kun said with concern written all over his face.

 

“I’ll be okay, Kun,” Ten assured but Kun’s worry was still there. It’s not that this was something new, they all went around alone when they had to, especially at nights, but it was different with Ten. He was like a trouble magnet. Within the group, Ten was always being ushered around, rarely left alone. So Kun insisted that he should either stay over or at least let somebody accompany him.

 

Ten looked in Lucas’s direction and said “Lucas will drop me off. Won’t you, Lucas?” 

 

Lucas only shrugged, looking indifferent but on the inside,excitement rippled.

  
  
  
  


The walk had been relatively silent. But when they entered to room, Lucas couldn’t bear the silence.

 

“You made me angry,” Lucas was fiddling with the ring Ten had given him. He had a slight pout on his face. 

 

Ten chuckled a little. “I know. I’m trying to apologize for it. At least, look at me.”

 

“No, hyung. You don’t understand. It…...made me jealous to think of you kissing Johnny hyung,” Lucas revealed reluctantly.

 

“That was before I kissed you though,” Ten reminded him.

 

“Yeah, but…” Lucas was frustrated again.

 

“You’re thinking too much,” Ten grabbed Lucas’s hands to stop him from anxiously playing with his ring.

 

Lucas shook his head and let out a sigh. Wrenching his hands free from Ten, he grabbed Ten by the collars and pulled him towards his body. Their eyes stared into each other tentatively. Ten looking up at Lucas, smirked slightly but it seemed more like a smile. Their faces were only an inch apart but Lucas was neither pulling back nor closing in.

 

Ten almost said something but Lucas thumb brushed over his lips. He heard Lucas say “Shhhhh, Ten hyung. We’ve talked enough.”

 

This  behaviour was uncanny. Lucas was not the kind of person who would want to subjugate Ten. Ten felt a little shiver run down his back. 

 

Lucas’s fingertips were slowly brushing over Ten’s lips, back and forth but Ten still managed to say “You’re different.” It sounded more like a question than a statement.

 

“Don’t you prefer it?” Lucas said, his eyes too busy staring at Ten’s mouth. There was a tease in his voice.

 

“I prefer Xuxi,” Ten knew what Lucas was doing. He was trying to play the role he assumed Johnny must have. 

 

Lucas eyes sparkled. He had heard what he wanted to. No further explanations happened, no questions were raised next. Lucas finally closed the gap that had been open for too long. His arms that had left the collar a while ago, found themselves pushing Ten towards the wall. When Ten’s back collided with the surface, he knew the moment had come and there was nothing to stop it.

 

“No Xuxi today hyung, I’m Lucas, call me that,” Lucas said, still holding Ten by the shoulders against the wall, his lips less than inch away.

 

The words had left ghost of a breath on Ten’s chin and he caved in. “Lucas,” he duly obeyed.

 

“Good,” Lucas muttered and took Ten by the lips. He was in no hurry today, taking his time to tease Ten, making him give in. He definitely had the upper hand for the time being.

 

Every time Lucas’s tongue teased Ten’s mouth, Ten got impatient. His hands wanted to wander, he wanted the kiss to deepen, but Lucas held Ten by the shoulder, keeping him still against the wall, not letting him lean in further and everyone time Ten tried to, Lucas threatened to pull back. He was thoroughly enjoying watching Ten beg like that. As much as his own desires wanted him to be quick with the process of embracing Ten entirely, he took it slow, letting the momentum build, letting their desires pile up so high that no excuses will be needed.

 

The only sounds in the room were of their lips moving against each other and of Ten’s heavy breathing. He was almost panting for more. Lucas let go of his shoulders and held him by the waist instead. It was tiny in Lucas’s hand and it made him go a little weak in his knees, and his resolve was breaking. It was hard to hold back now.

 

Breaking the kiss to let both of them breathe, Lucas’s lifted Ten’s T-shirt ever so slightly to let his his hands touch his bare waist. Ten’s skin was warm as always and inviting. Suddenly, he couldn’t resist intaking more of this warmth. His hands were slowly dragging Ten’s shirt more and more upwards, exposing more of his skin to his palms. Again, Ten got impatient and lifting his arms up, beckoned Lucas to remove his shirt entirely. Lucas tried not to smile at that, Ten had so much urgency in his actions, he looked very cute. And  _ small _ , Lucas thought. His body was so much smaller compared to his own and he looked so delicate, Lucas felt guilty for a second that his desires will end up leaving so many marks behind. 

 

“Moderation….” Lucas said, laughing. That’s what Ten had told him to learn earlier during dinner. And look at him now, lacking any restraint. 

 

Ten blushed hard and to hide his embarrassment, grabbed Lucas’s face and saying “Shut up,” kissed him hard.

 

Ten’s room was smaller than Lucas’s but since he lived alone, it was relatively emptier. The wall behind Ten was covered in his drawings and although Lucas had seen them before, they still made him uncomfortable. It was an unfamiliar side to Ten that was reflected in those drawings and Lucas had difficulty grasping what meaning they conveyed because they were so cryptic and abstract, Ten had probably intended from them to be that way. Lucas took his eyes off a large eye staring at him from above Ten’s bed.

 

Ten was fumbling with his shirt, trying to get it off him. 

 

“Wait,” Lucas said and in a quick practiced gesture took it off himself. They were both shirtless. Ten admired what he saw and Lucas tried to stop himself from losing his mind at the sight of Ten exposed like that. In the dim-lighted room, the way light fell on Ten’s soft skin tempted the worst in Lucas. His fingers explored the skin of the boy looking up at him, guided by Ten’s eyes closed at certain sensations and every time he spread out his fingers to draw little waves across Ten’s neck, Ten’s breathing quickened, urging him on. Lucas gently guided Ten to his bed and Ten let himself be handled with care. He had no qualms with being treated gently or roughly for that matter, he only knew that he wanted it, the manner hardly mattered.

 

Under Lucas’s watchful gaze, Ten parted his lips to invite him to take them again and Lucas complied. Ten who was laying on his back, hooked his arms around Lucas’s neck to pull him down. The kiss this time was passionate and rough, while Ten sucked on Lucas’s bottom lip with great urgency, his hands grazed Lucas’s back as if searching for the switch that would make Lucas lose whatever was holding him back. Little did he know, Lucas was already over the edge of a cliff, his desires had overcome him. With a drunk look in his eyes Lucas, trailed his hand down Ten’s body, his eyes following where his grazing fingers went. Ten was breathing faster and faster, Lucas could tell, by the way his chest rose and fell at an alarming rate. Lucas’s fingers undid Ten’s button and Ten shut his eyes, ready for Lucas to see the confirmation his growing bulge gave. Lucas bit his bottom lip, containing a smile that threatened to ruin his tough-guy facade. Ten’s legs hooked around his waist and next he heard the brazen invitation Ten threw his way, saying “Fuck moderation! I want you now.”

 

In that moment, Lucas could swear he would fall apart right there and then, if it weren’t for the passion still burning in him. It was overwhelming but he simply let himself flow with it. He was surprised at himself, at how much he suddenly knew about love-making, about handling a gentle person like Ten, about his own burning passion, and Ten took it all with patience. 

 

Lucas’s unsteady face kissed every part of Ten’s soft mouth he could find, as his frame moved between Ten’s legs. The way Ten moaned under him encouraged him to quicken his pace and although he slowed down seeing how Ten’s fingers dug into his back, Ten kept urging him to go faster till they reach the utmost ends of pleasure in each other’s care.

  
  
  
  


Ten’s quiet breaths fell in rhythm with Lucas’s and he slipped off into a sleep so engulfing that he did not hear Lucas slowly slip out the sheets in the morning. When his eyes were coerced open by the light streaming in through the window, he felt a little panic creeping its way in. Lucas was nowhere to be seen and he feared that the memories from last night were a regret to Lucas now. Sitting, bundled up in the sheets, naked and alone, Ten was scared. What if he had made a mistake? What if it was he who had forced Lucas to sleep with him? 

 

Ten’s conscience was invaded by such thoughts, when suddenly Lucas entered and pulling his jumper quickly off his head, climbed into the bed. 

 

“It’s so cold outside,” Lucas’s hands looked for Ten’s warm ones. He was shivering slightly.

 

“Where did you go?” Ten was on the verge of crying with relief.

 

“Oh, I had to pick some stuff from my dorm,” Lucas said, too busy trying to warm up against Ten’s body in the sheets.

 

“I thought-” Ten was stopped short by Lucas nuzzling his head against Ten’s belly.

 

“Ah, Lucas, St-stop, it tickles,” Ten was cry-laughing as Lucas’s fluffy hair tickled his skin. He forgot all his worries then, his mind was only consumed by Lucas and his antics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Why do I even bother saying how many chapters are left?! I'm truly sorry. The story is almost over though, I promise. Just an epilogue left. I had to separate it from this chapter because they didn't mix well together. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this. <3


	17. SEVENTEEN

Ten coughed to get everyone’s attention, the nervousness was noticeable in the way he stood swaying on his feet ever so slightly, his hands fidgeting with each other. He was practicing the same few lines in his mind for what felt like the hundredth time. He would say it with confidence, he knew, but he did not feel ready to be able to handle any trace of disgust in their reactions. Everyone turned to look at him when he coughed but they were all smiling.

 

“Don’t bother,” Mark said, with a giggle and Kun assured “Johnny’s told us everything already. You do not have to worry, Ten. Nobody here has a problem with you two,” Everybody was nodding along, although many members looked visibly uncomfortable.

 

Ten was surprised not only at the fact that Johnny had told them everything without even consulting him first but also at everyone’s pleasant reactions. His face felt warm, both with happiness and embarrassment. His relief was palpable. He was grateful to Johnny for sparing him the pain of having to reveal everything himself and grateful to the members for accepting it. He mouthed a shy little Thank-you in Johnny’s direction and Johnny smiled back.

 

Lucas entered soon after, in a panicked hurry. He was late as he had to take another round back to his dorm to pick something he forgot. Mocking his forgetfulness, he made him way towards the group of people huddled together and he had no idea why everybody was smiling so widely at him. It was honestly a bit creepy to have 17 guys smile at you like that with no context whatsoever. _Did Ten hyung tell them already?_ he wondered, easing his gait as he walked towards the group. When he looked at Ten, Ten nodded at him. He felt a sudden surge of happiness. Suddenly, the smiles made sense, and one formed on his own bright face. Whatever little awkwardness threatened to mellow his reaction, was warded off by that fact that nobody made it a big deal, one moment teasing smiles were thrown his way, the next moment they were busy laughing about something else. It went smoothly and Lucas still unaware that it was Johnny himself who had been kind enough to make the task easy for Ten, looked at Johnny’s face to see his reaction. It confused Lucas to find nothing tangible. It was his usual smiley-face, nothing more, nothing less. Ten read Lucas’s confusion and whispered “Don’t think too much. I’ll explain it later.” Lucas nodded and they went on with their tightly-packed schedule.

  
  


Lucas was trying to ask something without actually saying it. Ten understood and yet did not proceed to explain. Lucas needed to ask first.

 

“I can’t tell how he’s feeling, he looked okay?” Lucas said, the lines appearing on his forehead showed signs of confusion.

 

Ten shrugged. “He looked fine with it. I mean, he did me the favour of explaining everyone about us before we had to,” seeing Lucas’s shocked reaction, Ten added “I was surprised too.”

 

“B-but he lo- liked you? Is he okay with us being….together?”

 

Ten smiled a little.

 

“You know Lucas, if Johnny wanted me, he could have had me in a second. I was right there, ready. He didn’t want me enough to risk the consequences. He told the members about us but we still have to be careful around the managers and other people. They can’t know. Nobody can know. Even some members would have disagreed if it weren’t for Johnny convincing them. I don’t know why he thought he couldn’t do it for him and me, but I know it’s very hard for him. There’s so much more on the line for him than there is for me. I don’t blame him at all. I still love him, but differently. I will always love the friend I have in him. Always. I’ll make it up to him.”

 

Lucas needed time to process what he’d heard Ten say. It was reassuring but disturbing at the same time. He wasn’t jealous of Johnny but he was scared of losing Ten. Ten still loved him. Ten would make it up to him. It could go wrong too. It worried Lucas terribly.

 

“Hyung…”

 

“You don’t have to worry Xuxi.” The smile on Ten’s face was confident. It seemed to say, _I will not leave you._

 

Lucas nodded. It was best for things to return to normal again and that included the friendship between Ten and Johnny.

 

Ten came closer to Lucas who was leaning against a desk, and rested his head on Lucas’s shoulder. Lucas arm automatically wrapped around Ten’s shoulder and gave him a little kiss on the forehead. They stayed like that for a while in comfortable silence. Everything had been so chaotic in the last couple of days, the relief they felt now was invaluable.

 

“Hyung, did you forget to wear your ring today?” Lucas suddenly questioned with fake annoyance with the reproachful bearing of a schoolteacher, at last breaking the stillness.

 

Ten’s shifty eyes gave away his forgetfulness. He tried not to giggle when Lucas said “Time for your punishment,” and feigned moving forward to tickle him, wiggling his fingers.

 

Things almost returned to normal. They had to live with snatched moments, stolen glances whenever the managers were around, even around the members they kept enough distance to not invite attention, gave each other ample space and found happiness in the moments where they could sneak away from their busy schedules. There were days when Lucas would get jealous and Ten would coax him with sweet-nothings, reassurances and chaste kisses. There were days when they would almost risk being found out and Ten would act out, feeling scared and on those days Lucas would calm him down and promise not to be careless again. On most days, they woke up, still in disbelief that they had each other completely and it would only fuel their desires to see more of each other, to reconfirm that it was, in fact, real.

 

Every now and then, Ten’s eyes would meet Johnny’s and unsuspectingly an emotion would crawl its way up to his throat, a humbling reminder of an irreversible damage. Although, they had managed to salvage their friendship, Johnny’s eyes occasionally gave away some of the remaining pain, and Ten who usually caught it, found himself wondering of an alternate reality, of that _maybe later_ they had left incomplete, of the possibility of what they could have been, but it’s only a fleeting thought and like many other great pains of life, it recedes. Ten preferred stability over wild fantasies. More than anything, he preferred the way Lucas made him feel. _Whole. Complete. Needed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this chapter, my lovely readers, marks the end of this fic. Thank you very much for reading the whole thing. I am still amazed at the positive feedback it got. <3 I hope my Yukten agenda succeeded and that I managed to convert at least one of you into a Yukten shipper. I had a really fun time writing this, it was my first fic but definitely not my last. I have an idea for a fantasy AU, let me know whether you'd want me to write it and also who would you want me to ship Ten with. Again, thank you for reading, I appreciate it. Please, continue supporting NCT because they deserve the best. 
> 
> If you'd like to be a mutual, you can DM me on twitter @yuktenisreal


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